curb dictation

hey, master dictator, can you stop standing on your podium-in-pinstripes, pointing barrels at the crowd, selling barrels at 45 degrees…is that you feeding fires, funding fears, burying US dollars in coffins, safe for resurrection-upon-retirement

it’s not sensible, captain, so lets you and me, just the 5 billion of us, inhuman dictator and lives-to-be, find a nice room with a view of trees and seas…lets have a happy-chat about upsides and downsides, rigged election landslides and genocides…share a moment of reverse-momentum, a jolt of awareness, a shaken and stirred, glazed-eye-clearing blink-blink back to humanity

then you can leave the room, please, don’t close the door behind you, have a nice swim, ride a harley alone back to the old country and curb the dictation thing

then curb fear, corruption, private armies with camoflage shirts and shoulder badges, curb those bubbling barrels, curb carbon, and just listen...can you hear something

curb cars

no, really, car company presidents and oil potentates, what have you been thinking

its obviously quite nice to brainwash the populace with celebrity car endorsements, well-fit-girls at car shows, branded entertainment tricksy'ness and general multi-media-saturation, to spend half their annual salaries on precious metal and plastic capsules and the glug they need to move on

and then the other half on car insurance, car rego, car servicing by local rip-off-artist-garages, car toolkits, personalised number plates, car-wash-cafes and tolls, tolls, tolls

but wasn't it pretty easy to predict that after eating all our money, these car things would drag a huge snarling traffic monster with very bad breath to all our doorsteps every day, and a nice group of our neighbours over to iraq to protect your investment

so, i'm asking nicely, can you please curb cars, curb the secret destruction of alternative fuel options, cosy partnerships with food conglomerates and political bribery...just let us get out and walk a bit

curb sheep advertising

so now the sacred sacrificial lambs of my youth are used for 'sheep advertising (c) (tm) (r) patent pending' in the netherlands...bright blue jackets with big bright white words on them, advertising products that have some direct link to sheep I suppose

or something very clever that an ad person thought of and wants an award for, like using sheep to advertise beef…"do you really want to hurt me?" in a specially designed new sheep-specific font that cost the client lots of money

but, oh god, maybe if the dutch notice southern hemisphere farmer types aren't making enough money from sheep any more, they'll try to export the idea…so lets get in first and curb sheep advertising...that is, using sheep for any purpose other than the original eating one non-vegetarians intended

curb nothing

i really wouldn't mind it if you actually did something, mister and missus politician...in any area, really, even some very small and seemingly unimportant part of being an official, like fixing the little bump on the footpath near my apartment that i keep tripping over when i wear sunglasses

i wrote a letter about that one, but heard nothing...maybe i could pretend to know nothing about this bump and fall over badly and sue you, which is the scariest thing for everyone including local government types

caused by extemely clever nothings in insurance companies pretending to be doing nothing to cause mass insurance claim hysteria, but knowing everything about making as much money as possible from getting people to pay them to do nothing

so seriously, can we curb nothing, get something done every now and then and start believing in anything or everything

curb smoking buildings

why should I walk through the lobby of this dully expensive marble tower and see a line of desperate well-dressed with a white stick in one hand and a cardboard cup in the other

lets make it illegal to even hold unlit ciggies within 100 meters of any building in the world, so they all have to smoke in the middle of the road with car fumes adding a layer to the hit and the odd hit to the layer

and when the desperates get home, curb smoke everywhere except right down the back of the back garden in the sandpit, or leaning at least 4 feet out the apartment window, with some sort of cable and pulley system

curb madonna

please stop being interviewed by michael parkinson and other old serious people, pretending you are also a serious person, representing the potential power of women over a certain age

you are actually totally eurovision-silly and can't squeeze even half-meaningful lyrics out, not that it matters when you constantly bend over in front of the camera in sprayed-on purple tights

if you sang something slightly interesting, especially now you have an english accent, it might sound ok, but should probably not be mixed with doof doof music please, as this is usually also meaningless and would counteract the lyrics, ending in a balanced nothing

curb headlines

i've decided its probably best if we have no headlines in newspapers for a while, just paragraphs with nice sentences in them

or only pictures of trees and animals and human-interest stories about fully-recovered people, without many words at all, just captions really, so we can scan and nod and not get scared or frustrated or too involved in whats happening